I want you to need me
by Cindy aka SG1PhileShipper
Summary: What happens after the New Year's kiss?


I WANT YOU TO NEED ME  
  
By: Cindy  
Email: Please send all feedback to cindy.vandenplas@skynet.be. My mailbox is getting very lonely and depressed. :-(  
Disclaimer: Squirrel and Moose don't belong to me. They belong to CC, 1013 and FOX. Can I have them when the show is over? No fringe intended. No need to sue me.  
Spoilers: All the way up until "Millenium"(Yeah, I know. Before the actual ep)  
Rating: G  
Keywords: MSR. Scully POV  
Summary: What happens after the New Year's kiss?  
Archive: If you think it's good enough to archive, please knock yourself out. It would be very nice if you could sent me a note so I can come over and visit.  
Author's Note: This is a songfic based on the Celine Dion song "I want you to need me" taken from her album "Album". This was challenged here a couple of days ago. No fringe intended either.  
Dedication: I'd like to dedicate this to Diane Warren who wrote the fabulous song and in my opinion she's the best songwriter in the world.  
  
I WANT YOU TO NEED ME  
  
The Millenium countdown has begun. One more minute and it will be 2000. We will say goodbye to the 1900's and start all over again. I hope that everything will be better. So much has happened to me and Mulder: I got abducted, his father got shot, my sister was killed, my cancer, an almost-death from an infected bee-stung,... So I think things can only get better.  
  
The year almost ended in a major disaster. Mulder got shot, but luckily it was just in his shoulder. And now he's standing besides me, one of his arms in a huge bandage. He's watching the countdown with me. Seven, six, five,... I feel him watching me very intently. His gaze is travelling from my face to my lips and its staying there. Zero... Mulder stands in front of me and looks at me. I look back at him and Mulder captures my lips with his. His kiss is very gentle and sweet. It's not at all passionate. Despite the gentleness in his kiss, it's changing so much between us. It's taking our relationship to a next level. I knew it would happen sooner or later. We have been walking on thin ice for a while now. Ever since we almost kissed when the bee stung me, we have been growing closer. Mulder ends the kiss after a few seconds and smiles at me. I can do nothing but to smile back:  
  
"The world didn't end."  
"No it didn't."  
  
Of course it didn't, but I feel like we are in a whole new world now. Mulder has always been there for me, but now he will be there more than before. Or I think so. Even though he kissed me, I'm still not sure of his feelings for me. He once told me he loved me, but he was drugged at that moment. So I don't know how serious I can take that.   
  
We walk out of the hospital and Mulder has his good arm around me. I don't exactly know how it makes me feel. His warmth is going through my body and soul. It makes me nervous and happy at the same time. You could say that I'm very confused at the moment.  
  
We reach to my car and I drive Mulder to his place. He asks me to come in and of course I can't refuse him anything. The gentleman that he is, he holds the door for me. Even if both of his arms were broken he still would do that. I get in and he walks to his bedroom. He comes out seconds later with a small package:  
  
"I got you a little something and I hope you'll like it."  
"Thank you Mulder."  
  
I smile at him and I can swear he's turning red. We say our goodbyes and I take off in a hurry. I'm curious to see what Mulder got me. I'm sure it's a CD, but I wonder what's on it. While driving home, my mind drift off to Mulder and how I feel about him.  
  
I have loved Mulder for some years now, but until now I've always been scared to tell him. I've always been scared of loosing what we have. Mulder is my best friend in the entire world and I depend on him more than I have ever depended on anyone in my life. He's my brother, my dad, my partner, my friend and my soulmate all in one. He's my everything. He means so much to me and he could be so much more. He's the man I wanna spent the rest of my life with. I want to grow old with him. I want so much, it's almost too hard to put it in words.   
  
I don't know how it happened and when, but my love for Mulder is still growing. I consider him as my other half. What I feel for him is stronger and deeper than anything I've ever felt before and it goes beyond words. I love him with heart and soul, with body and mind. I love him for everything he is and everything he could be. My whole universe is centered around him. When I am without him for one second, I miss him. There is also a big problem because we work together for the FBI. It's an unwritten rule that partners have to remain just that. But we are partners in every sence of the word. We can't go back, only move forwards. Of course we can deny our feelings, but in the end it'll end up killing us. There are too much emotions and feelings bottled up. And they have to come out sooner or later.  
  
Mulder makes me feel so good. He makes me smile and laugh. He brings me up when I'm depressed. I need him to be more than just a good friend to me. The longer I think about it, the more I realize I can't go on like this. Althought the feeling is getting stronger every day, I'm still too shy to tell him how I feel.  
  
Until now I have been able to hide my feelings. And I have to admit that I thought it was just one of those feelings. You know, the feeling that goes away after a while. But I couldn't have been more wrong. It makes me feel so miserable. I want it to stop. I should act upon my feelings, but I'm too darned scared to do so. How will Mulder react if I tell him? And what if he doesn't feel the same? I would be crushed and ashamed of myself. And I'd have to face him every day. I love to be around Mulder, but I would hate it in those conditions. My love for him is starting to ache. I ache for him and for all the good things we could be.   
  
Sometimes I feel so alone in this miserable world. Life is unfair when you think about it. I didn't ask to feel this way about him. And if I had the chance to make one wish, I would ask the chance to look straight into his heart. That way I would know where I'm standing and I wouldn't be making wild guesses anymore. They're leading me nowhere and once and for all I need to find my way home. And home is where the heart is.  
  
Why do I care so much about him? It's very simple. I'm at ease with him. I don't feel like I have to pretend. I never had this with anyone before. And it's scaring me that my world is reduced around him. I would do everything for him. I would take a bullet and walk in my nude around the world. I would face my worst enemy. I would give everything I have. Even things you can't replace. Everything you hold for possible, I would do it for Mulder. Question is, would he do the same for me?  
  
And I haven't talked about his hazel eyes. One look and I'm reduced to a puddle of nerves. I forget who I am and how to speak, how to walk and what my quest really is. But if he really looked into my eyes once, he would know everything he needs to know. Could it be that he's too scared to look in my eyes and of what he'll find there?  
  
Mulder keeps touching me in many ways. Both physically and emotionally. He puts his hand on the small of my back, lays his hand on my arm, tucks my hair behind my ear. Basically, they're all simple things, but they mean so much to me. And no one is gonna convince me that those touches are accidental. It is so much more. Everytime he hands me a file our fingers brush. He puts his hands on my hips to pass by me. I'm gonna try to do that myself soon and see how he reacts. Because if there's something you can't hide nor fake, it's bodylanguage.  
  
I know Mulder doesn't do it on purpose or I think he doesn't, but he's playing with my feelings. He's my one and only friend. He's the first to protect me. When I'm feeling down he always notices and asks me if I'm okay. I always lie to him and say I'm doing fine. But we both know I'm not. He has such sweet and tender words to comfort me. He can talk to me, just like you talk to a child. And it hurts in a good way.  
  
I realize that one of us will have to make the first move. But I'm too scared he'll laugh in my face. If the words spoken after his Bermuda adventure were true, it would take a lot of pain away. He speaks so much, but says so little. He enjoys talking to me. He likes to tease me and loves those sexual innuendos.   
  
I have finally reached my apartment. I park my car and run inside. It's pretty cold and besides I'm curious what Mulder got me. I sit down on my couch and tear the paper from my CD. When I see which one he got me, a huge smile crosses my face. Mulder must have known I didn't find the time to buy the new Celine Dion yet. I open the box and a small paper falls out. I recognize Mulder's handwriting and start reading:  
  
Scully,  
  
I thought this CD was perfect to begin the new year in harmony. And if you need to know something about me, listen to song number 15. I'm sure you'll understand what I mean.  
  
Love  
Mulder.  
XXX  
  
I put it in the player and skip to song 15. A soft melody is filling the room I fight to control my emotions. The song reflect how I want him to feel about me and I guess he feels the same too:  
  
  
I wanna be the face you see when you close you eyes  
I wanna be the touch you need every single night  
I wanna be your fantasy  
And be your reality   
And everything between  
  
I want you to need me  
Like the air you breathe  
I want you to feel me  
In everything  
I want you to see me  
In your every dream  
The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you  
I want you to need me, need me  
Like I need you  
  
I wanna be they eyes that look deep into your soul  
I wanna be the world to you I just want it all  
I wanna be your deepest kiss  
The answer to your every wish  
And all you ever need  
  
I want you to need me  
Like the air you breathe  
I want you to feel me  
In everything  
I want you to see me  
In your every dream   
The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you  
I want you to need me, need me  
  
'Coz I need you more than you could know  
And I need you to never let me go  
And I need to be deep inside your heart  
I just want to be everywhere you are  
  
I wanna be the face you see when you close you eyes  
I wanna be the touch you need every single night  
I wanna be your fantasy  
And be your reality   
And everything between  
  
I want you to need me  
Like the air you breathe  
I want you to feel me  
In everything  
I want you to see me  
In your every dream  
The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you  
I want you to need me, need me  
Like I need you  
  
The music is softly fading away. I turn my stereo off, grab my keys and my coat and take off. I speed to Mulder's place and hesitate before I knock on the door. I get all my courage and softly knock on his door. I know it's late, but he's not asleep. I hear footsteps on the other side. A Mulder with tousled hair opens and stares at me:  
  
"Scully..."  
"I need you, Mulder."  
  
A huge Mulder-smile spreads on his face and he opens his arms. I walk into his strength and warmth. He's rubbing my back and kissing the top of my head. No words are spoken. Mulder pulls away and looks into my eyes. He gently and tenderly kisses me, repeating our kiss from a few hours earlier. It's still hesitant and unsure. I enjoy the feeling coming alive in me. I still don't know where we will be going from here, but with Mulder I will find my way.  
  
  
The End. 


End file.
